I really get Ecclesiastes. Nothing is new under the sun. All is vanity.
Daily answering a child's questions about God, heaven, and life as it relates to the death of a loved one has changed who am I. I hope for the better.
Weekly listening to someone's thoughtless remarks about death and dying, often in the presence of my children, has challenged me. I do not think I have ever prayed more fervently asking the Lord to place a seal on my lips. And I praise Him that He does. I seek forgiveness often when I fail.
Watching my husband balance work, home, and caring for his parents has taught me new strength. I see in him fruit born of the Spirit. I see soul changes happening in his life and I rejoice.
I always knew I wouldn't have Mom #2 for long. I just didn't think it would hurt so much to say goodbye. I didn't know what helping a child grieve would look like. I didn't know how it would feel to kiss my first baby girl and have our tears mingle in that moment. I didn't know I would have to answer deep heart wrenching questions so often.
I'm glad I didn't.
My children won't accept the standard pat answers, so I dig. Deep into the Words that hold healing.
"He who began a good work will carry it to completion."
"I will not leave you or forsake you."
"Is anything hard for God?"
"Now we see dimly."
"In my Father's house...."
Ancient words. Words that are neither pat nor contrived. When the world is neither black nor white. When gray is the only color to see, those are the Words that matter. Those are the Words that bring hope into our lives.
For today, we wait. Knowing someday soon, she will go Home. And then, as my little girl said, "she will be perfect."