Wednesday, September 16, 2009

For Today

I really get Ecclesiastes. Nothing is new under the sun. All is vanity.

Daily answering a child's questions about God, heaven, and life as it relates to the death of a loved one has changed who am I. I hope for the better.

Weekly listening to someone's thoughtless remarks about death and dying, often in the presence of my children, has challenged me. I do not think I have ever prayed more fervently asking the Lord to place a seal on my lips. And I praise Him that He does. I seek forgiveness often when I fail.

Watching my husband balance work, home, and caring for his parents has taught me new strength. I see in him fruit born of the Spirit. I see soul changes happening in his life and I rejoice.

I always knew I wouldn't have Mom #2 for long. I just didn't think it would hurt so much to say goodbye. I didn't know what helping a child grieve would look like. I didn't know how it would feel to kiss my first baby girl and have our tears mingle in that moment. I didn't know I would have to answer deep heart wrenching questions so often.

I'm glad I didn't.

My children won't accept the standard pat answers, so I dig. Deep into the Words that hold healing.

"He who began a good work will carry it to completion."

"I will not leave you or forsake you."

"Is anything hard for God?"

"Now we see dimly."

"In my Father's house...."

Ancient words. Words that are neither pat nor contrived. When the world is neither black nor white. When gray is the only color to see, those are the Words that matter. Those are the Words that bring hope into our lives.

For today, we wait. Knowing someday soon, she will go Home. And then, as my little girl said, "she will be perfect."


Amanda said...

Bless your heart dear Bethany... that you can write such beauty out of such pai is beyond my comprehension.

I am just praying so fervently that the Lord is guiding you... giving you the strength and words you need right at the moment you need it... and for your dear hubby as well.

You are creating a faith foundation in those kids... you are showing them Him.

Many blessings-

Amanda said...


He & Me + 3 said...

I am so sorry for your pain. The Lord has all the answers. I know that He will bring the correct ones to you when faced with a question from your dear children. I Can't wait to be perfect someday too.

Laura said...

I'm so sorry too Bethany! The way you seem to be handling all of this and guiding your children through as well is simply amazing. She will be perfect though and I think that's what helps anyone who walks with the Lord through times like these.

I wish I could do something for you and your family but I probably couldn't do much even if I was closer. I just hate see people hurt and in pain. I've been thinking of you guys lots and you are in my prayers!

Andy and Cari said...

Perfect...and in time, we will see them again.

Marley's Mama said...

I hurt for you. I wish I were closer, and that I could help in some way. Hugs to you all, and you can call anytime, day or night. I love you.