Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Today I saw one child sitting on the couch. As I walked by I said, "Sitting on the couch is not the same as picking up."
Before that child could move the one assigned to the room said, "Amen."
Saturday, February 28, 2015
“I really don’t like you.” Those brown eyes stared at me. So much like my own, they were darkened with the anger and frustration at the moment. I tried to keep my voice as calm as my gaze back into the eyes have grown to be almost even with my own. My heart trembled a bit though. “That’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to.”
Moments like this catch me unaware. Almost like motherhood. I was still so newly married I was homesick. The little puppy brought home weeks before from the shelter to keep me company for the two years we planned to wait before starting a family. God has a since of humor. I stared at those two lines with eyes filled with tears and a heart filled with joy. What I had been told would be difficult if not impossible was happening. Plans changed. I instead of enrolling in my sophomore semester of college, we enrolled in childbirth classes.
Two dark eyed babies were born before a round of secondary infertility. Pain I never knew could be so deep, but changed how I would parent forever.
As I stared into the eyes of my growing child, I recalled being that age. The frustration, the anger, the fear, the sadness, the confusion, the desire for independence growing deep in my soul. So sure I would do things differently. So sure that my parents were the meanest, most unfair parents in the history of the universe.
Of course, they weren’t. And I, well, as a tween I was quite a brat. (Sorry Mom and Dad…again.) Although my parenting is different from my parent’s parenting, I see glimpses of my heritage daily.
Tonight, it was the sweet moments of patting Ellie’s back as she went to sleep. As she laid in her bed trying to fall asleep, I patted her back. And patted her back. And patted her back.
And as I did, a sweet memory came to mind of a drive home from church. There had been a special event in the evening. Our van that seated 7 was holding 9 because my great-grandfather had gone with us that evening. So I sat – or rather laid- on Mom’s lap. She gently patted my back the whole 20 minute drive home from church.
It’s funny the things that sneak up and remind me to stay the course. Hopefully my kids will parent differently and better than I have. Maybe some long day away - late in the evening, they will be patting the back of their child and find themselves cherishing a childhood memory.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
We’ve been thinking about Mom B. a lot lately. And I’ve been missing blogging a lot lately. It seems so strange to write after so long. A whole chunk of my life has been left out of this blog. It’s hard to pick up and write when my whole life was picked up, shaken up and set back down. I’m still working on finding my new normal.
I think that’s what’s got me thinking about Mom B. again. She was my sounding board. The listening ear that was always there…unless The Bold and the Beautiful was on – all bets were off at that point. Victor and Nikki were all we talked about during that sacred hour. But I digress.
I miss her, I miss her laugh. I miss her asking me if she had a blue eyed grandchild yet, with that hint of accusation in her voice that I was the brown eyed one who broke her grandkids eyes. I miss having pictures of her with Bree and Ellie in her arms.
But more than that, in these days were nothing seems to be done from start to finish, in these days where nights are often sleepless and days are spent teaching, cleaning, running errands, selling popcorn/candles/candy bars, making sure uniforms and leotards are clean, putting ballet shoes in the dance bag, and, and, and…. I miss her perspective. I miss the wisdom that came with having to lay down so many of her wants to a disease that stole the life she envisioned. I miss her laugh until you can’t breathe, give the kids the stemmed glasses to drink their after school juice, use the good china for everyday perspective. I know she didn’t live that way, because I am married to her son. But the fact that she wanted me to live that way stands tall.
So today, my house is a huge mess… and I tickled my almost teenage son until he was out of breath with laughter and then had a book club style discussion about the latest book Becca had read. My garden is more weeds than plants, and I cheered on my girls as the rode scooters watched Hope show me her special jumps on the neighbors trampoline.. I have piles of laundry to sort as I change from summer to winter clothing and I laid my baby girl on her tummy and watched her roll over for the first time.
I there are a dozen half finished jobs as I look around our cozy home and so much was accomplished today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll dig out the stemmed glasses.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Wow, do I feel like a slacker. Our newest addition is now two months old. So without further ado, meet our Eliana born the end of May weighing in at 7 lbs, 11 oz and measuring 20” long.
Everything about the birth/ hospital eexperience was amazing. My doctor was so gracious in helping me come up with the best plan for Ellie and I. Because Bree’s birth was so difficult we decided on a 39 week induction. She helped pick a nurse based on the problems we had with the nurse I had with Bree. I can’t say enough about how incredible they both were.
Labor was both long and short. It took forever to get started and once it really started it was over in less than an hour. Doug was an incredible partner through the whole thing. Ellie was so alert and responsive right away. She was sucking her thumb before she was 30 minutes old. Of course, everyone commented on the hair. (They still do!)
My parents had taken the big kids home with them the night before and came back to see us just a few hours after Ellie was born. We ordered pizza and had a party in the room. Bree’s expression in this picture is totally cracking us up.
Grandpa was holding the Ellie when the kids came in. (I think Bree was a teeny bit jealous.)
Grammy with her newest grandbaby.
Papaw with Ellie.
One of my sisters, her fiancé and my niece also came to visit. We kicked everyone out after a couple hours because this mama was tired and still in some pain. (Imagine!)
Over the next several days at the hospital we had tons of visitors. It was such a blessing to have so many share in our joy. Here are some of my favorites.
Papaw talking to Ellie. I think Ty’s a bit jealous of Papaw.
Watching Daddy change a diaper.
Daddy’s in love.
So tiny compared to Daddy’s hand.
I still can’t get enough of her.
Dressed and ready to go home.
The teeny tiny bandage for her heel stick. So sweet and sad.
One more picture before we were headed home.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Cabin fever sets in pretty fast in our little house. This winter seems to be particularly brutal for about the whole country. One of the upsides of a small house, kids with cabin fever and a need to keep an ear on thing if not an eye on them is the little tidbits I overhear. These are some of my favorites from this week.
Hope after wrapping Bree in a blanket, “Mommy you’ve got a big package over here.” “Is it something I’ll love?” I ask. “It’s Breeley!” Hope announces. Breeley crying, “But I wanted to be a little unicorn.”
Breeley came up to me the other evening, “Mama, Hope and me are gonna play. Don’t ruin it all up with bedtime, okay?”
Older child: “Mom, do you ever hear God talk to you during the day?” Me: “Sometimes, if I’m listening.” Child: “Well, sometimes I hear God talking to me and sometimes it seems like Satan is trying to get me to do the wrong thing.” Me: “What do you do about that?” Child: “I just say’ Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.’”
Hope and Breeley quibbling over a toy, Hope: “Bree I had that first.” Bree: “Ask real quiet for it back like this, ‘quiet whispering sounds.’” Hope whispering: “Bree can I please have it back?” Bree: “I can’t hear you.”
I wouldn’t trade my stay at home life for the world.