Looking Back

We’ve been thinking about Mom B. a lot lately. And I’ve been missing blogging a lot lately.  It seems so strange to write after so long. A whole chunk of my life has been left out of this blog. It’s hard to pick up and write when my whole life was picked up, shaken up and set back down. I’m still working on finding my new normal.

I think that’s what’s got me thinking about Mom B. again. She was my sounding board. The listening ear that was always there…unless The Bold and the Beautiful was on – all bets were off at that point. Victor and Nikki were all we talked about during that sacred hour. But I digress.

I miss her, I miss her laugh. I miss her asking me if she had a blue eyed grandchild yet, with that hint of accusation in her voice that I was the brown eyed one who broke her grandkids eyes. I miss having pictures of her with Bree and Ellie in her arms.

But more than that, in these days were nothing seems to be done from start to finish, in these days where nights are often sleepless and days are spent teaching, cleaning, running errands, selling popcorn/candles/candy bars, making sure uniforms and leotards are clean, putting ballet shoes in the dance bag, and, and, and…. I miss her perspective. I miss the wisdom that came with having to lay down so many of her wants to a disease that stole the life she envisioned. I miss her laugh until you can’t breathe, give the kids the stemmed glasses to drink their after school juice, use the good china for everyday perspective. I know she didn’t live that way, because I am married to her son. But the fact that she wanted me to live that way stands tall.

 

So today, my house is a huge mess… and I tickled my almost teenage son until he was out of breath with laughter and then had a book club style discussion about the latest book Becca had read. My garden is more weeds than plants, and I cheered on my girls as the rode scooters watched Hope show me her special jumps on the neighbors trampoline.. I have piles of laundry to sort as I change from summer to winter clothing and I laid my baby girl on her tummy and watched her roll over for the first time.

I there are a dozen half finished jobs as I look around our cozy home and so much was accomplished today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll dig out the stemmed glasses.