I've been thinking about God a lot lately. I want to seek God, I want to think about Him, but I let "life" get in the way of doing what I should. Hard times have a way of bringing me back to my knees.
Daily life has made me think more. I've questioned more. I've doubted more. I've yearned more. I've speculated, reasoned, struggled and wanted more in my faith than at any given time before. The truth is I want the Truth. I want to be set free. I want to love God truly with all my heart and I want to be honest about my doubts and my faith.
Maybe I'm growing up.
Maybe I'm reverting.
All I know is where I am matters less than who He is. Like John the Baptist said, "Are you really the Messiah or should we wait for another?" (My personal paraphrase.) I am so eternally grateful that I know Him to be Who He says He is.
He is the I Am.
The Risen Savior.
I've been doing a study on the names of God. It is truly an eye opening, life changing study for me. I don't know about you, but I have never thought about what I called Him. "Dear God, Father, Heavenly Father...." All respectful, Biblical, appropriate names it seemed.
But as I have studied that names of our great God, I have been surprised by the depth that these names He gave us to call Him mean. I think before I really took the time to learn about them, I called Him (Mr.) God.
Dear (Mr.) God,
Thank you for this day. Thank you for.... Please be with......
Seriously. I called Him (Mr.) God like I call our pastor, Pastor Steve. I know our pastor, but not intimately. He's an authority figure, a leader not friend. To call God friend seemed a little too presumptuous. The head knowledge of who God is had never reached my heart. Though I poured my heart to Him I never felt I could understand or see His. I desperately have looked and searched for God, but believed the lie that He could not be known by me. And then I started this study. And learning the names, studying the Scripture behind the names has literally taken my breath away. I have sat with tears streaming down my face at the loving hand of God.
Lord (Adonai, Yaweh) is so much more than a cosmic being. He is more than just Holy God, His is God of Glory (El Ha-Kavod). He is so incredibly beautiful. In times of despair I have looked on the beauty that is His creation and have found comfort. In times of darkness Everlasting Light (Or Olam) is my lamp. In dark places He lights the way. God Sees Me (El- Roi) is with me. He sees my doubting and weakness and still want to be with me (God with Us - Immanuel). Really? You, God, want to be with me? Not only do You want to be with me (Jealous God - El Quanna) You'll fight for me? You'll seek after me? You'll speak tender words to me when I've strayed and sinned against You?
I stand amazed at the graciousness of God to provide so many facets of Himself to me. To allow me many ways to approach Him in my times of need and rejoicing. He is so much more than my heart has ever known. And I'm forever grateful.