My baby boy is growing up and leaving home. I don't think I much like it.
I spent yesterday going downstairs to wash clothes, checking the phone to see if I missed a call from my father-in-law. Folding a load of clothes, writing Ty's name on the label of his pants and shirts. I folded and stacked. I checked a rechecked. I tried not to hyperventilate.
My boy is becoming a big kid. He's going to camp!
Okay, maybe it hasn't been that bad, but it is hard. I'm not sure I like the idea of my little one at a camp I haven't been to. I'm not sure I could send him if a friend of ours wasn't going to be his counselor, our church's children's pastor wasn't going to be there or another friend from church hadn't offered to have her teenage son "keep an eye out for him." But all those things are happening.
Wrestling with the decision to send him was hard for me. Trying to decide if sending him still, with all that is going on has been impossible. I don't have a peace about keeping him home, but sending him doesn't seem right in many ways either. "There's an important lesson in letting him go." a friend from church told me. "Life has to go on. Letting him go to camp will let him see that."
So, I'm packing, and sorting. He's asking questions, I'm answering them.
I don't know what food will be at the store.
No, I don't know what you'll have for dinner.
Yes, you can have a coke.
No, don't drink it late at night.
Yes, you can make new friends.
Yes, I'll pack a flash light.
Yes, I want you to shower everyday.
No, you won't miss the funeral.
That one hurt.
And so we keep going. One day at a time. One lesson learned at a time. One joy at a time. One sorrow at a time.
In times like these I remember learning the memory verse, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Mom would point out that a lamp doesn't shine far ahead, it just keeps us from tripping on what is right in front of us. So that's where we are living. Within the circle of the light of God's word. Doing what we can. Letting God deal with what only He is able to do.
It's really a rather good place to be.