Since it has been several weeks since my last Not Me! I'll start with the most recent stuff and cut this post off before it gets too long.
Yesterday, I did not run to the store to get new find for new fingernail polish for Becca and Hope. It would be incredibly ridiculous to buy new polish for such little girls. I wouldn't waste my husband's money on such vain things (nor would I ever use "grocery money" on it).
When returning home from the trip I so did not make, I did not promptly start painting my littlest girl's toes. She's only 16 months. I wouldn't "make" a baby sit still just so she could have pink toenails. Nope, not me.
When I went to get a file for Becca's nails, I did not leave my chair pushed out from the dining room table. And that so wouldn't matter since I do NOT have a baby who is a climber. And I definitely don't have a climber who now likes nail polish. And I didn't leave the finger nail polish on the table where she could reach it had she happened to climb on the chair -which of course she didn't. And had she climbed on the chair, she would never have gotten the nail polish off. And had she gotten the nail polish off (which she so did NOT do) she would never have had the opportunity to spill the bright pink polish on the carpet. And since she didn't spill it on the carpet there was absolutely no need for me to come back into the room and yell to my sleeping husband - "GET HER!" And since I most certainly did not yell like a crazed woman, she did not have a heads up to know that her new toy was soon to be taken. And since she did not know that, there was no need for her to finish the deal by sticking the brush in her mouth. Definitely NOT in my house.
Oh, and that so did NOT happen less than an hour before we had to be at a birthday party.
Oh, and it also didn't happen that as I was scrubbing the carpet, we got a phone call from some cousin's saying that they would be stopping at our house in about 15 minutes. And I did not completely freak out because not only was I scrubbing NAIL POLISH out of my carpet, my house was an entire wreck. Nope, not me!
This past weekend, my husband did not build a fence across the front of the garden so our new puppy cannot dig in it anymore. I so did not get perverse pleasure from standing in the garden, calling her and watching her try to jump through the fence and hit her head. I would never laugh at a dog's stupidity. (Truly, I only did it once. But I did laugh really hard. And she is smart. She found another way in. Darn that smart, stupid dog.)
I was so not excited that only one time this past week did my neighbors see me chasing the dog mentioned above down the street. That would not be something to celebrate since my neighbors are so used to me chasing this dog, they now send their children out to help me wrangle her. I do know how to train a dog so this would never be me!
A week ago, I did not work to help our church's MOPS group with their annual kids clothing sale. If I had, I would have done it out of the goodness of my heart, not so I could be an early shopper. And had I gone, and worked, and shopped, I would not have spent over $200. And had I spent that much it would not have looked a little crazier than this when I brought it home.
And I wouldn't have averaged spending $1.35 per item. And I would not at all be proud of that. Nope! Not me.
One Sunday, a few weeks back, Mom did not come stay at our house while Dad went to a funeral. If she had, she would NOT have decided it would be hilarious to throw a fit with my daughter. And had she, I would NOT have put it on film (or whatever you call it now). In all fairness Mom, I did tell you it would end up here. :)
(I know, I know, I really need to work on my video skills.)
Okay, last one, I am so not looking forward to the school year being out. I am totally dedicated to my children's education. So there is no way the thought of closing the books and leaving the last 15 days for "summer school" would have crossed my mind. Any other homeschooler's out there with me. Yeah, I didn't think so!
Have a great week!