What Do You Call Him?

I've been thinking about God a lot lately. I want to seek God, I want to think about Him, but I let "life" get in the way of doing what I should. Hard times have a way of bringing me back to my knees.

Daily life has made me think more. I've questioned more. I've doubted more. I've yearned more. I've speculated, reasoned, struggled and wanted more in my faith than at any given time before. The truth is I want the Truth. I want to be set free. I want to love God truly with all my heart and I want to be honest about my doubts and my faith.

Maybe I'm growing up.

Maybe I'm reverting.

All I know is where I am matters less than who He is. Like John the Baptist said, "Are you really the Messiah or should we wait for another?" (My personal paraphrase.) I am so eternally grateful that I know Him to be Who He says He is.

He is the I Am.

The Messiah.

The Risen Savior.

The Creator.

I've been doing a study on the names of God. It is truly an eye opening, life changing study for me. I don't know about you, but I have never thought about what I called Him. "Dear God, Father, Heavenly Father...." All respectful, Biblical, appropriate names it seemed.

But as I have studied that names of our great God, I have been surprised by the depth that these names He gave us to call Him mean. I think before I really took the time to learn about them, I called Him (Mr.) God.

Dear (Mr.) God,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for.... Please be with......

Sincerely,

Bethany

Seriously. I called Him (Mr.) God like I call our pastor, Pastor Steve. I know our pastor, but not intimately. He's an authority figure, a leader not friend. To call God friend seemed a little too presumptuous. The head knowledge of who God is had never reached my heart. Though I poured my heart to Him I never felt I could understand or see His. I desperately have looked and searched for God, but believed the lie that He could not be known by me. And then I started this study. And learning the names, studying the Scripture behind the names has literally taken my breath away. I have sat with tears streaming down my face at the loving hand of God.

Lord (Adonai, Yaweh) is so much more than a cosmic being. He is more than just Holy God, His is God of Glory (El Ha-Kavod). He is so incredibly beautiful. In times of despair I have looked on the beauty that is His creation and have found comfort. In times of darkness Everlasting Light (Or Olam) is my lamp. In dark places He lights the way. God Sees Me (El- Roi) is with me. He sees my doubting and weakness and still want to be with me (God with Us - Immanuel). Really? You, God, want to be with me? Not only do You want to be with me (Jealous God - El Quanna) You'll fight for me? You'll seek after me? You'll speak tender words to me when I've strayed and sinned against You?

I stand amazed at the graciousness of God to provide so many facets of Himself to me. To allow me many ways to approach Him in my times of need and rejoicing. He is so much more than my heart has ever known. And I'm forever grateful.

Have you ever...

felt too small and insignificant for the God of the universe to see you?

Have you ever...

shouted to the God of the universe at the top of your lungs hoping to make yourself heard?

Have you ever...

been still knowing you were in the presence of your creator?

Me too.

Seriously?

Are

times

really

this

bad?

Seriously?

Immeasurably More

I wanted to say another huge thank you to those of you who prayed for Megan and Jim this past week. The news was he had a new large "mass" on his collarbone. Finding yet another spot that we were all but certain was cancer was hard enough. Add to it the fact that a year ago they told him he had about a year to live, the cancer showed up first in his other collarbone, and the chemo (we thought) was not working and it was beyond devastating. And that's just me. I can't even imagine what it was like for Jim and Megan.

When I talked to Megan (after getting their good news) I told her as I prayed for them I couldn't get Ephesians 3:20 out of my head. Now unto him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work with in us,

Here is the email Megan sent to all of their family and friends. God is truly awesome!

Hello once again. I have more news.

First, I want to tell you about a friend of mine named Benny. Benny is an Hispanic man who goes to my church. I'd estimate that he's about my parents' age. I first met him about 10 years ago when his grandson was attending the school where I was teaching kindergarten. Anyway, in a small town, you often cross paths with the same people more than once. Benny's grandson is much older now, and I lost touch with Benny for a while, though I would see him around town occassionally. He'd always greet me with "Hola, senorita".

I began attending El Bethel church about six years ago, and guess who was there? Yup, Benny. Only now he calls me "Senora", much to my chagrine. I guess I'm looking older these days. Anyway, Benny works at an automotive repair/oil change shop and offered to fix a leak in one of our tires. It just so happens that the day that we got the horrible news of Jim's new tumor, I had a little time while Marley was napping to take the Jeep over for him to work on it. THe bad news this time was particularly hard for us, and Benny is the kind of person that it's easy to just pour your heart out to. His first response to my telling him that Jim had a new tumor was "Megan, the devil is a LIAR." While my tears dripped onto my car, he said "It's OK if your faith is weak right now. Mine is strong and I will stand for you." For the next few days, Jim and I really struggled with the myriad of possibilities that were in front of us. I prayed and asked for prayer. I felt the support of all of my family and friends praying for us. Thank you. Once again, you carried us before the Throne of God, and we can't even begin to thank you enough.

Fast forward to today. We got the results of Jim's CT scan. That tumor on his collarbone? It didn't even show up on the CT scan. Whatever that lump is, it's not a tumor. Those tumors in his liver (the ones that the four horrible rounds of chemo he went through last winter, which made him horribly sick and gave moderate results) have shrunk MORE with just two rounds of this new experimental chemo- in just TWO ROUNDS!!! One of them is almost GONE.

Is anybody shouting HALLELUJAH!!! yet???? Sorry, the Pentecostal in me just took over. (Are you smiling, Pastor?)

After we got the results I drove back to my friend Benny's place of work. When I saw him I summoned him with a stern "Senor!". He came right over. I asked him, "Remember on Monday when you told me the devil is a liar? Well, you were right." He looks me in the eye and very calmly says "I know." That's it. "I know."
Me: "No Benny, you don't understand. That bump isn't a tumor. And the tumors in his liver have shrunk. And he doesn't get super sick on this chemo, and it's..."
Benny: "I know. I told you the devil is a liar. I know this is true. And I called every one I know and told them we gotta take care of this."

So few words, but so true.

So, here's where we stand. Next Wednesday, we return to Ann Arbor. The scan did show that there is a possibility that part of Jim's heart is enlarged, so we gotta figure that out. And we need to figure out why the arm where his port is located is swollen. But the plan is to go ahead with another treatment.

The devil is a LIAR. I like that. Thank you, our friends and family, for standing for us and putting him in his place.

Thank you Jesus, for being stronger than he is. Thank you for being stronger than we are.

~Jim, Meg, and Marley

******Updated*******

Thanks for praying. The new "mass" that they found does NOT appear to be cancerous. Praising God for His mercies. ********

Remember me asking for prayer for this man? My brother-in-law Jim's cancer is showing it's ugly head more strongly.

I would really appreciate your prayers for Megan, Jim and Marley. Jim is an incredible husband, father, brother, son, friend, uncle. We know God is able to do more than we can ask or imagine. We also know God is sovereign and His ways are higher than ours. Please pray for healing, stregnth, wisdom and comfort.

Also, please leave any prayer requests you have in the comments. I'd love to pray for you.

Weekend Fun

We did nothing earth moving last weekend. Nothing really too noteworthy. Which may explain why I'm only now posting about it.

We spent some time with Doug's grandparents again. Fun times. Not only did we get to hang out with them, Doug's cousins came with their three week old baby. Wow, did I forget how quickly they grow. It was yesterday and forever ago Hope was that little.
She is such a teeny tiny little thing that I felt like I would break her. Not that I didn't wash my hands and grab her before anyone else could. :)

Don't think for a minute Tyler escaped the camera. He was off doing manly-man stuff with Daddy, Grandpa D and Uncle Brian when I took pictures of the girls. The only pictures I got of him were when he was holding the new baby. I forgot to get permission to post pictures of her beautiful face here, but toes are okay right?

I did get the chance to take a few pictures of my gorgeous girls. I'm biased, I know. I'm also a little more than a teensy bit proud of the girls God has blessed us with.



Nothing exciting, just wonderfully fulfilling.

Seriously?

This boy

Accused this girl

of pulling his chest hair.

Seriously?