So this is what it feels like.

Four.

I'm still wrapping my mind around that fact. Breeley's getting bigger -and more active- everyday. So am I...bigger, not more active. :)

As I begin to pull the teeniest of clothes out of boxes to see what I need (this is our first summer baby), I have been thinking back through each pregnancy.

With Tyler, we were in shock about the first half of it. He was not planned. Far from it. Finding a sitter for our newborn on our first anniversary was not in our wildest dreams. But there I was pregnant, huge, and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was going to be some one's mommy soon. I slept and ate at will. I worked a few days a week and mostly just enjoyed myself. Although I was occasionally sick and somewhat uncomfortable, I was able to sleep, eat, watch TV, shop and do pretty much what I wanted when I wanted. Ty was born almost two weeks late. We left the hospital thinking somebody would track us down and take back the baby we'd gotten away with.

With Becca, I thought I was a seasoned pro. I felt great until the six week mark. Then I began my hourly trek to kneel before the porcelain throne. Tyler got so used to it, he would come in and crouch down beside me and make gagging sounds while I did what I desperately wanted to not do. Morning sickness lasted all day, every day, for 18 weeks, left for 8 and returned as true morning sickness for the rest of the pregnancy. I ate what Becca let me (PB&J -still her favorite food), slept when Tyler let me, and rarely left the house.

Hope was her own story. Although I was sick much of the time, I didn't have the luxury of heading to the bathroom when I needed to. With two potty trained kids and one bathroom things were a little trying in that department. I learned the art of self talk. I rarely got a nap. Tyler and Becca had started to not nap, so why should Mommy need to. I ate whatever I fixed for the kids and prayed it stayed down. I was too tired to try to figure out what I wanted let alone try to fend off the always hungry children who would eat it before I could anyhow.

Breeley has been a dream pregnancy for most of it. I'm a little sore and a lot tired. But, I feel blessed beyond measure after two very hard pregnancies.

I am still wondering what four is going to look like. We pray daily that God will develop love between our children and help a strong bond grow in our family. I wonder how Ty will feel as the only boy, how Becca will feel as our quietest girl, how Hope will feel being moved from baby to big sister. I wonder how my marriage will change and how the house is going to get clean, groceries are going to be shopped for, school is going to be accomplished. As the day our five becomes six get closer, I'm excited. Just like I was with Tyler, I'm a little nervous. Like with Becca, I'm feeling a a slight bit of confidence. Like with Hope, I'm tired and can get overwhelmed. But what I know for sure is...

I have no idea what this is going to feel like. I have no idea how I'm going to do it. But I do know the One who has blessed me with four children. And I'm sure He has some great advice. :)