At or With?

The other day I was talking to a lady from my church about God. Surprised???

The question I've been wrestling with lately is my anger about situations that nothing can be done about.

Remember my brother-in-law with cancer? He's not even 40, has a one year old daughter and terminal cancer.

Remember my sweet mother-in-law. She wasn't even 60. She was always joyful, mostly patient, endlessly loving. She never heard Hope say Grandma.

Right now, my oldest sister (you may know her from the comments as Marley's Mama), wife of my brother-in-law with cancer, is in the hospital fighting a rare blood disorder.

My oldest brother's father-in- law died suddenly last week. He wasn't a believer.

Those are a few things from my little world that have me ticked off. I know, in my head and in my heart, that God can and will "work all things together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28) I also know that He who watches over us never "slumbers nor sleeps." (Psalm 121:4) And "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:2.

But, from my perspective - here and now - things are not lining up. I know they will. I know that The Redeemer lives. I know that death and sickness and sin have already been defeated.

But, what's happening right now still hurts, still makes me angry.

For a while I thought I was angry at God. Now I think I'm angry with God. I don't (and haven't) blamed God for what has happened and is happening. I'm just angry that it happens and that it has to happen. My prayer is that His glory can shine through each of these situations. My heart wishes these situations never existed.

I wonder often what it would have been like to walk through the mall with my mother-in-law. What it would have been like to have known the brother my husband lost in infancy. I wonder what it would be like if my brother-in-law was healthy. I wonder what the world would be like with out sickness, death, loss, and abuse.

I don't pretend to have righteous anger. It's far from it. My anger however isn't aimed toward God, but at the results of sin. That's where the questions of prepositions comes in. Is it possible to be angry with God not at Him?

The other day I was talking to Ty about sickness. He wanted to know how people's bodies got sick and broken when the world was supposed to have been perfect. My response was simply, "but it isn't anymore." "Yeah, I know. 'Cause Adam and Eve sinned and now it's all falling apart."

In spite of all the frustrations, grief and anger that I'm feeling right now, I'm so glad I know the One whose hands are big enough to hold all the pieces. And the only One who can fit them back together.